30 August 2010

May to December

It's been a while since I've doubled up films like this in one post, but I've decided I'm going to go back to doing that on films about which I only have a certain amount to say. It helps that both Atom Egoyan's erotic pseudo-thriller Chloe and Catherine Corsini's arthouse drama Leaving deal with similar subject matter- married middle-age women and extra-marital affairs.

27 August 2010

Solo Round!- SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is one of a number of films I've seen in 2010 that were just so incredible that they left me struggling to articulate my thoughts for a good while afterwards. I wouldn't be much of a blogger if I didn't overcome this silent appreciation of the film and get right on reviewing for you folks.

Scrounging douchebag Scott Pilgrim is our anti-hero, living off of the same flat (and indeed, mattress) as his gay roommate and trying to win the adoration of his peers as the bass player in a garage band called Sex Bob-Omb. He becomes infatuated with one Ramona Flowers, and provokes the wrath of a league made up of her super-powered Evil-Exes. Ready? FIGHT!

25 August 2010

Girl Prowess- WHIP IT Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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Some days, your Mad Prophet can't be arsed to get out of the house to see something as second-rate as Marmaduke. In such times, he often dusts off the DVD remote and gets onto a couple of films he missed in cinemas earlier this year.

One of those films is Whip It, the tale of 17-year-old misfit Bliss Cavendar. The discovery of a local roller derby league is the most exciting thing to happen in Bliss' small-town life, and she decides to compete and take control of her life, instead of parading through beauty pageants at the behest of her domineering mother.

23 August 2010

Fish and Nips- PIRANHA 3D Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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If 3D can be (and it has been) seen as a way to bring the theme park experience into cinemas, and this film in particular has a high quota of nudity and risible dialogue, you could call Piranha 3D the equivalent of porno Disneyland. Jizzneyland, if you will. It's a remake of a Joe Dante-directed Jaws parody from 1978, and it sees a bunch of fratboys and sorority girls descend on Lake Victoria for spring break, just as seismic activity unleashes thousands of prehistoric piranhas into the current.

20 August 2010

Mutually Assured Distraction- SALT Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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At the end of an underpowered summer for action films, here comes Salt, a bid to launch a female-centric spy franchise. While the most that Bond and Bourne ever find themselves accused of is going rogue for some personal reason or other, their latest would-be counterpart, CIA operative Evelyn Salt, is really put through the wringer when a defector accuses her of being a Russian sleeper agent on her wedding anniversary. Salt then tries to contact her husband while on the run from her friends and employers, as the clock counts down towards an assassination attempt on a major world leader.

16 August 2010

Rambo 5 (And Friends!)- THE EXPENDABLES Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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Action fans can scarcely have missed this, because the most anticipated throwback in cinemas this summer is The Expendables. The titular mercenaries are played by Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews and Randy Couture, so it's a big old clusterfuck of a team-up. They're dispatched to a somewhat fictional South American island to overthrow a dictatorship. No, really, that's it.

14 August 2010

The Next Three Days

I never do this, but this looks frigging awesome.



It's now officially one of the films I'm most anticipating in 2010. However, it's out in November in America, and with no UK release date set, I suspect it will arrive here next year. I hope not, because this looks like a rock-solid drama. Somehow it looks reminiscent of one of those 70s crime thrillers, looking at the calibre of actors like Russell Crowe and Liam Neeson.

Bring it on!

13 August 2010

Harry Totters- THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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Physics geek Dave discovers a greater destiny as he becomes The Sorcerer's Apprentice in Disney's latest live-action fantasy film. He's sought after by two sorcerers who were once students of Merlin. Yeah, that Merlin. Balthazar wants to help Dave to defeat Merlin's deadliest enemy, Morgana. His rival, Horvath, wants to unleash her upon the world using a spell called the Rising. As Dave comes to terms with a world he could never have imagined, Balthazar must teach him everything he knows in order to stage a final battle.

12 August 2010

Avatarded- THE LAST AIRBENDER Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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In The Last Airbender, a war that has raged on for a century puts a mystical world at the mercy of a powerful Fire Nation. Certain peoples of the world have a telekinetic relationship with the elements, and the Avatar, the only one who can control all four- Air, Water, Earth and Fire- has long since vanished. His return in the form of a young boy called Aang threatens the supremacy of the firebenders, as it is this young airbender's destiny to restore balance and end the war.

11 August 2010

Funny Bones- SKELETONS Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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You may currently be gesticulating at The Last Airbender and The Sorcerer's Apprentice, both of which begin screening in advance at cinemas nationwide today, with the urgency of a multiplex-lovin' chimp who happens to read this blog. But yesterday I got in a trip to the Tyneside Cinema, so frankly I'd rather talk about one of the films I saw there- Skeletons.

Davis and Bennett are exorcists, of a sort. Their clientele are engaged couples and the like, and the pair are concerned to exhuming nasty secrets and memories before people commit their lives to each other. It's not a nice business, but they're good at their jobs, and their boss, named only as the Colonel, has an appointment that might properly announce them within the apparently lucrative world of clearing skeletons out of closets.

9 August 2010

Assault and Battery- KNIGHT AND DAY Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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After years in development, a script by relative newcomer Patrick O'Neill makes it to the big screen as Knight and Day. June Havens is one of those mythical female mechanics that male audiences are supposed to slobber over, and she's travelling home to Boston for her sister's wedding. On the flight, a chance encounter with secret agent Roy Miller entangles her in the race for an everlasting power source that he is supposed to be protecting. Oh, so that's why it's called Knight and Day. No, hold on, what?

6 August 2010

Why Bother?- CATS & DOGS 2 Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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This... really exists. Honestly. If you haven't seen all the advertising and think I might be just trying an elaborate ruse on you, rest assured that I'm not. Or indeed, panic even more, because apparently, someone's been chugging away for the last nine years, willing Cats & Dogs- The Revenge of Kitty Galore into being.

While it'd be no fault of yours whatsoever if you couldn't remember the setup of the first film, it's pretty simple- cats are manipulative bastards and dogs are the protectors of humanity, the MI5 to felinedom's SPECTRE. The waters are muddied somewhat this time around by the emergence of Kitty Galore, a hairless cat mastermind who's so dangerous that the two feuding species must team up to save humanity.

4 August 2010

DEMOLITION MAN- Brave New World


Sometimes it's nice to just appreciate a damn fine film. I covered Three Kings on Monday, and then in the aforementioned absence of anything new in cinemas this week that I haven't already seen, I turned to the bargain bin at Blockbuster. And wouldn't you know it, I was able to pick up a damn fine film to write about today.

Sure, in 125 posts on this blog, I haven't once done a "my top 10 favourite films of all time" entry, but that kind of thing can fluctuate from the number 4 slot downwards. Instead, I'm going to talk about a film I like a lot, but not one that many will count as their favourite- Demolition Man.

2 August 2010

THREE KINGS- The Best Iraq War Movie?


Last week's 1980s smorgasbord leaves the multiplex looking a little bare this week, (there's a Cats & Dogs 2 review coming on Friday, for fuck's sake), so I've been delving back in time to watch some slightly older films this week. This happens a lot more than you'd think based on the review output of this blog, and I'm silly to try and prove that by blogging on the topic of a film that only came out in 1999.

Three Kings was on ITV1, that most evil and asinine of terrestrial channels, this past weekend, and having wanted to watch it for a long time, I decided Christopher Nolan's Insomnia, showing at the same time over on BBC One, would probably turn up on iPlayer. It didn't. It's difficult to be angry about missing it though, because Three Kings is one of the best war movies I've seen in a long time.